Tears !

Lately I break out in tears “out of the blue”. 

A thought ….wanders into my brain.... about the chemo. 

I have to admit I am afraid of the chemo. 

Not because of the hair loss, although that will not be fun. But I know that is temporary.

The possible long term health risks scare me. The possible chance of cancer recurrence or heart damage, kidney damage, neuropathy and more. Also the uncomfortable side effects and then of course the expense. It is overwhelming some days. When I tear up, I pray for strength and the moment usually only lasts short term. 

It just happens more often right now. As my girlfriend Lori would say this to… shall pass.

I am grateful for my friends who shore me up every day with emails, texts, cards in the mail and phone calls.  Some days your presence in my life is the up-lifting I needed for that very moment. You maybe don't realize how much those little moments from you ....can change my whole day. Thank you ! 

P.S. By posting your comments on my blog too...I will know you are walking this journey with me and I can refer to your thoughts over and over. Thank you for caring.

 

Today I sat outside on my back deck. 70 degrees outside, overcast and sunny. Breezy, beautiful day. I listened to the wind in the trees, the birds singing, dogs barking - off in the woods. 

And I am feeling and watching strands of my hair blow across my face, it started me crying. 

Thinking how my hair will not be blowing in the wind for 6 months or longer? A sad moment……. I know it will be grow back, but the actual thought of facing people you know, grocery shopping, running to the post office, yes it will be hard. I know I will get through it – like so many other brave women. But it is still a sad moment in our lives. 

I am praying for strength so I can mentally prepare for that moment if it happens.