This journey has been a painful one and a joyful one !

“Will I ever feel pretty???”

 I don’t mean to the outside world, I mean to myself and to my husband? 

Behind closed doors?  

 I wonder for only moments and then I put it out of my mind. 

I do not want to dwell on it or focus on the thought and get depressed, so I push it out of my mind. 

 I still see the “sick girl” when I look in the mirror, 

I see the short hair, the scars, the pain, 

the reconstruction and the enormity of what happened to me. 

I feel different and I look different.

  The outside world sees me wrapped in my disguise of clothes.

Oh sure my close friends and family can tell when I am having a bad day. 

But, I am to a point now, where most days I probably look normal to people. Other than my hat/scarf combo or my Wig,

my body and face look pretty much normal.

So for now, I push the thought out as fast as it came in. Because right now....

 I am focusing on healing, 

eating right, yoga, meditating, work when I can, rest when I 

                       can and do not worry about the rest. 

Time will heal my body and my scars, and maybe my mindset. 

But 1 year into this journey - every once in awhile, I still ask myself 

“Will I ever feel pretty???” 

   I hope so - one day, but I know I will  be okay - regardless. 

Having Cancer....

 has been life changing, physically, mentally and spiritually.  

Those are not just empty words. 

I mean TRULY life changing. 

My closet friends and family will see a different person. Others may not notice.

 

But, it is subtle and within me and it feels wonderful. 

My perception of life and how I spend my time, who I spend it with and how I want to live each day has changed.  A catastrophic illness changes every one. 

Some for the worse – others for the good.

My cancer is gone, 

but it led me to a place spiritually and mentally I could never have imagined. 

A very content and spiritually alive place. 

I will meditate and I will do yoga for the rest of my life. 

I have found they both heal and make me feel gooood from the inside – out. 

I do not Sweat the little things anymore. 

Because that’s what they are – little things. 

I do not worry about anything like I used to. Worry will not change the outcome.

 But positive energy and being still in my mind (with meditation) can make all the difference in the world on how I react. 

And sometimes how you react to something can make the event worse or better.

I chose to take on this cancer battle, with a winning spirit. 

How could I approach it any other way? 

And I have won! 

       I beat the cancer and I have grown 

to a new place in my life – that I Love. 

I call that a Win Win situation. Don’t you? 

Thank you God, and all my family & friends for walking this journey with me. I have needed every one of you - to help me stay positive and keep fighting the fight. 

Peace and Joy to you all! !