To WIG or not to WIG?

To WIG or not to WIG? 

 
Well I am completely bald, a shaved head. 
I wish I could be like some women and just laugh at this, not care and go out in public this way without the embarrassment. I wish I was one of those pretty BALD women we see. 
You know the ones where they make you say " wow nice” even when they are bald. 

However I am not one of those. I am not ugly………but without the hair – you tend to focus more on the other flaws and wrinkles.

I am OK with that…. that is reality. I have to be OK with that because I cannot change my face. It is what it is. 

Wearing my turban and going bald at home is one thing. 

My son and husband live with the truth of me. 

However I am getting ready to go back to work.

Now I have to decide to WIG or not to WIG. Cover NO Cover?
My choices are wig, partial wig for under hats, scarf, hat, turban, ball cap or my very white bald head? 

When wearing any of them, they are all obvious, to everyone that you are bald. The nape of your neck is bald, no bangs, unless you wig. At first I wanted a wig, but after trying to wear one for more than an hour, that may be impossible for me? And my budget warrants a fake hair wig, not real hair. 
       Who knew real hair wigs cost $ thousands $. Lot of money for 4 or 5 months use.

So ……do you try to look normal for the customers and people - with fake hair? The fake hair is obvious when standing 3 foot across the counter from someone. Or not bother with anything, because you are not fooling anyone. Not even yourself.
Besides, at home I have not been able to wear the same thing on my head for more than an hour or two anyway. I get headaches. I change from the knit cap to the cotton turban, to the scarf, and to a bald head until I get cold, because my head screams to get out of these things. It does not like being cooped up in something for very long. 
I have even experienced this feeling, wearing my bike helmet when we ride. 

Why does it matter how I present my head to someone? I guess because I don’t want the pity or don’t want the conversation of cancer all the time. I don’t mind talking about it, but I like to pick the time. My frame of mind can change from hour to hour. I can go from smiling and happy to full tears in a few seconds. For something as simple as a song on the radio or something I read.
And I guess there is part of me that feels silly for even trying to cover this up. Because people will know, anyway. 
Will they silently laugh at my attempt to look normal?
 Or will they not laugh and feel sympathy if I am not trying to cover it. I don’t want their sympathy, maybe their prayers but not sympathy.  

My girlfriend Lynette – said it best….
" She told me she was not going to treat me differently, because of what I am going through… that I am still the SAME woman”. 
I guess I want to be normal for once in my life. 
Not noticed or treated differently - because of my cancer.
And she has done that. I feel normal around her, not coddled, not favored, not a cancer patient, just me.  Thank you Lynette. 

Well I have a couple days to decide what to wear for work. I probably will wear all of the above. Except maybe the “white bald head” thing. I am too cold-natured and I don’t imagine being comfortable as a baldy in public. Of course I will not say "Never" because I have eaten those words a few times. 
I would suggest to anyone going through this ….. to buy several head cover options. Because you don’t know what you will like and what is comfortable until you try them on and wear them for awhile.

Somehow I got past the mastectomy and I am getting past the chemo….so I will get past this hair thing too. These last few months have been filled with some of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.
You can’t help but be – humbled, by the whole experience. And grateful….for being one… who caught it in the early stages. 
Ladies …. PLEASE…..feel and examine your tata’s.
Get your mammograms …so you don’t face 
any of these decisions down the road. 

Hugs and Kisses to my family and friends.